What is Trust?

Trust is a relational experience where we place confidence in another. At some point, no matter who that person is, we experience an upset when we counted on the other and they didn’t come through. This experience ranges from mild surprise to a deep sense of betrayal.

How do I manage the upset I feel when my trust is broken? 

We most effectively manage our upset when we can choose between placing confidence in another (DEPENDENCE) and placing confidence in ourselves (INDEPENDENCE).  If we choose the path of INDEPENDENCE, we shift the focus to the connection with ourselves.  Not easy to do in the moment of our upset. We may need to wait until we have regrouped from its intensity. We are developing a practice of resilience from the inevitable ruptures in relationships. 

What does it look like to focus on the connection to myself? 

We direct our energy towards managing our emotions. We seek to replace the upset with a more satisfying experience. We CLAIM our knowing that the other has somehow contributed. We suspend proof of our stance (the word CLAIM is to assert that something is the case without providing evidence or proof). We also actively elicit COMPASSION for ourselves for the experience of betrayal.  We get CURIOUS to know our part.  Especially challenging when we see the other having broken an agreement. 

We reach for the three Cs—CLAIMING, COMPASSION, AND CURIOSITY—to replace the upset with a more satisfying state, aiming towards the experience of well-being. Most of us need support and practice to build this skill. We are dependent upon others to grow our independence. Our vision is to be able to toggle in each moment between our INDEPENDENT and DEPENDENT selves. Both are vital to our well-being and agency. 

Next:

Choosing the path of DEPENDENCE. We explore the possibility of effectively managing our emotions by depending on another, most often an intimate partner.