Part II: Focus on REGROUP in Relationship Practice
In relationship practice, when we catch ourselves having a REACT moment, we are already on the way to REGROUP. We turn our attention towards ourselves and feel DON’T LIKE. We suspend BLAME. We catch our impulse to see the problem lies in the other. With our solution that they start or stop doing what we think is best or right. Alternatively, we suspend blame of ourselves. Where we know the blame does not reside simply in ourselves. Whether our energy is directed outward or inward, we feel off-balance. We need something more to regain our balance.
Suspending blame is not enough. The focus continues to be on right/wrong (or the absence of right/wrong). We need a place to focus. It’s not good enough to try to move away from what has taken over our minds.
One effective skill often observed in my online therapy practice is distraction. We focus on some other situation. Our thoughts can go there instead. One effective distraction is a task. We set our minds on getting the task done. Perhaps once the task is done, our feelings connected to the REACT moment will not be as difficult. Often works. An important tool to keep ready for this situation. DOING replaces the thoughts that generate the bad feelings.
But distraction works only to a degree. We need more. The most effective tool is based on the Emotion Focus principle: Primary emotions (pleasant) to replace secondary feelings (unpleasant). For the same situation.
We seek to generate primary emotions for the same situation.
How do we do that? A relationship therapist’s perspective:
COMPASSION.
In the moment of REACT, we are often missing compassion. We don’t feel compassion for the other person(s) in the situation. Doesn’t work to even begin feeling compassion for the one we blame. More importantly, we likely do not feel compassion for ourselves. Our job is to turn on our compassion for our ME. Easier said than done. Can we Take Perspective by seeing the situation as if someone else were in our shoes? And feel compassion for that replacement of ourselves? Can we then redirect this compassion so that we feel Self-Compassion? We have generated a pleasurable feeling in our ME for our ME. We are empathizing with ourselves.
CLAIM.
In the moment of REACT, we often are busy assigning BLAME. We can replace that activity by knowing that we are onto something – in the other, in the situation, or in ourselves. Not right/wrong. But trusting rather than questioning ourselves and others. Not trying to prove or justify. We know we are not crazy. Keeping the focus on ourselves, too.
If available, we use our Dependent Self to reach for others. We express our discomfort that communicates our Call to Respond. Our nervous system settles down when others hear that call and Receive our communication. Getting our Me by using Reflection, Validation, and Empathy.
We are developing our Independent Self by getting the support of others. We need to activate our Independent Self, especially for those moments where others are not available to support us.
CURIOSITY.
Only after replacing unpleasant feelings (Secondary Emotions generated by thoughts) with COMPASSION for Self and CLAIMING our wisdom without proof are we ready to turn on our CURIOSITY. Where we don’t know with certainty what comes next, what to conclude, and what action to take. We can rest in REGROUP. We are connected with ourselves. We have done the Intrapsychic work to Be with Ourselves. We do not yet know the Interpersonal work ahead to re-engage with the situation that triggered us.
We have suspended identifying the problem. We have suspended solutions to the problem. Those activities are part of BLAME. We have restored connection to ourselves. REGROUP. And then, REHEARSE.
Learn to REGROUP and Restore Connection Through Online Relationship Practice in Berkeley, Ca
When emotions run high and reactions take over, it can feel impossible to find your way back to yourself, let alone back to connection. The Me and WE relationship practice group offers a place to pause, settle, and regroup, so moments of activation become opportunities for self-connection rather than continued struggle.
Through my online practice in Berkeley, CA, you’ll practice shifting attention from blame and self-criticism toward grounding, curiosity, and emotional presence. Together, we work experientially with the signals beneath defenses—such as complaints or withdrawal—so you can reconnect with your emotional intelligence and regain stability before moving forward.
Here’s how to begin strengthening your ability to regroup and reconnect:
Explore whether the Me and We Relationship Practice group is right for you by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation.
Work with an experienced relationship therapist in Berkeley who supports you in settling your nervous system and accessing the wisdom of your emotions and needs.
Learn to pause after reactivity, soften internal guards, and replace reactive communication with compassion, clarity, and skills that help you feel more whole, steady, and alive in your relationships.
Other Online Services With Bonnie Macbride in California
Learning how to regroup after reactivity is easier when you’re not doing it alone. Online relationship practice provides a steady, relational container where you can slow down, reconnect with yourself, and practice reorganizing internally—so difficult moments no longer derail you or define the relationship.
The Me and We Relationship Practice group offers a structured and experiential space where you can work directly with moments of activation and learn how to settle, orient, and return to yourself. Rather than pushing through or shutting down, you practice REGROUP—finding your footing, clarifying what you feel, and restoring internal stability before engaging again. This process builds emotional resilience, strengthens your voice, and supports more grounded, intentional connection with others.
Through my online California therapy practice, I offer several groups designed to support growth across different phases of life and relationship work. The Me and We Relationship Practice group is open to all genders and serves as an entry point into the Me and We Method, with the option for ongoing participation as skills deepen. For those seeking a more consistent and committed container, my Growth and Leadership groups (women only) offer continued exploration of self-regulation, emotional presence, and relational influence. As a licensed online therapist in Berkeley, I support individuals in learning how to take responsibility for their inner state and positively shape their relational environments.
If you’re interested in experiencing group-based growth work, I invite you to schedule a free consultation. You can also explore my Me and We audio course, blog, and FAQ page for tools and reflections that support regrouping, self-awareness, and relational clarity. Wherever you are in your journey, you don’t have to do this work alone. Join others who bring curiosity, commitment, and energy to their growth.
About the Author
Dr. Bonnie Macbride, EdD, MFT, is a Northern California–based therapist with more than 25 years of experience guiding individuals, couples, and groups through relationship practice that fosters lasting growth. Drawing on her work as a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist, her extensive training in Systems Centered Training, and her background as a former Professor of Counseling Psychology, Bonnie integrates theory with lived, experiential learning. As the creator of the Me and We Method, she helps clients work directly with real relational moments—building emotional awareness, self-leadership, and the skills needed to influence relationships with intention, responsibility, and care.